Abuse against women is not a family issue, although it occurs within the context of a family.
Violence against women is not a religious issue, although religion is abused as a means of perpetuating it.
Oppression and abuse of women is a human rights issue. Unless we start seeing it for what it is and recognize the enormity of the crime we cannot find effective solutions. A woman is a human being just like men. The integrity of her mental, emotional and physical being is of equal significance and value. When we hear of a criminal being brutally beaten up in a prison we have no problem seeing that as horrific and abusive... yet when it is women who are being abused we come up with all kinds of excuses to avoid taking action.
Separating the rights of women from those of men implies that one has different rights or greater value than the other. The basic rights accorded to men and women are identical. Women have a right to their person and property, the freedom to choose for themselves and the right to better their life as they see fit... none of these are any different from those of men. Different roles do not automatically eliminate certain rights.
So when the issue of women's rights is labeled as a "women's issue" it is used as an excuse and a cop-out for men to not take responsibility of the oppressive conditions that women are in. This is similar to the language used to refer to women's health as 'female problems'... and there is enough evidence that women's health concerns are minimized and marginalized.
Muslim men cannot and must not exclude themselves from this problem, because when they show no concern, take no action and skirt around the issue... it is viewed as if they oppose it and are perceived as the "enemy" in the fight for women's rights. Muslim men not only should, but must stand up for justice and support women's rights within the framework of the Qurân and Sunnah. Hence eliminating the oppression of women should be of concern to all Muslims.
There are some basic and practical steps men can take that pave the way towards a society that is just and humane, not only for women, but for everyone... since violence against women ultimately affects the whole family, community and the world.
1. Examine your own attitudes & actions
Start with yourself. How do you treat your mother, wife, sister and daughter? Do you treat them respectfully and with consideration? Just paying lip-service is not enough. Do your actions match your words? If you’ve ever been physically violent against a woman, if you’ve committed sexual assault, if you’ve hit, pushed, threatened, kicked your spouse, then you have been part of the problem. Be honest and critical. Innumerable times in the Qurân Muslims are asked to think, ponder, question and examine their beliefs and attitudes... it is mandatory for Muslims to evaluate all their thoughts, feelings and actions.
2. Educate yourself
The most basic step is to educate yourself. Do not rely on some idiot mullah to give you a distorted and ignorant version of his interpretation of the role and rights of women. That is sheer irresponsible behavior and shirking your responsibility. Question and investigate whatever you read. Ask yourself what a just and fair God would say. If you believe half of the ignorant stuff that is passed off as Islâmic... you need to examine your belief about God... because if you believe the ignorant stuff you must not have a very positive belief about God.
3. Be pro-active
Take an active role in expressing your views against the ill treatment of women. Identify and oppose sexual harassment and domestic violence in your workplace, school and family. Become involved by writing letters or articles denouncing the oppression and abuse of women.
Attend a Domestic Violence workshop, talk to women who have been abused. LISTEN TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY... AND BELIEVE IT. Victims do NOT make up stories. Know that if the woman is being abused in her home, the children in that household are also being abused.
Help men correct their own negative attitudes toward women. Refuse to indulge in insulting comments or obscene jokes or incorrect statements about women. Challenge sexist language, jokes, and media images that degrade women. Sexist jokes, language and harmful media images help create a climate where forms of violence and abuse against women are accepted. Words that degrade women reflect a society that has historically placed women in a second class position.
Learn why some men are abusive. Men are not born violent. Men’s violence is a result of the way many men learn to express their masculinity in their relationships. They probably saw it at home and learned to express anger in an aggressive and violent manner.
If you know of a family in which the women are being abused DO INTERFERE.. non-action is just as harmful as abuse since it implies acceptance of abuse. (think about it this way... if you are being beaten black and blue by a bully would you not want someone to step forward and help you?) If you are uncomfortable taking an active role, stick around and call the police, file a report and testify against the abuser.
Men can also get involved locally by volunteering to give talks in schools, communities and workplaces, raise money for shelters and programs, organize special events to support positive roles for men, and talk to young people about healthy relationships.
Raise and teach your children to choose alternatives to violent behavior and language. Until men can hold each other and themselves accountable for men’s violence against women, domestic violence will continue. Abuse is multi-generational, it is learned, it is passed on from father to son, mother to daughter.
4. Support literacy & empowerment of women
The rate of illiteracy of Muslim women is not only unacceptable, it is against the principles of Islâm. Education does not create rebelliousness in women.. abuse does. Denying women an education is a clear indicator that the family or society is abusive and is creating an environment of oppression and abuse. An educated woman is a tremendous asset to her family and the world.
5. Respect women
Women are worthy of respect like any other human being. Learn to respect women. Nowhere in the Quran does it allow disrespect of women. Some men respect their mothers but do not extend that same respect to other women in the family. All women are to be respected.
6. GROW UP
This may sound harsh but the bottom line is that men need to grow up. One of the reasons that men do not speak up against oppression of women is that it affects them directly, sometimes in ways that are not conducive to their comfort. A woman who knows her worth will challenge your biased views and of course that is not going to be comfortable. Giving up the luxury of being served by women while you lounge on the sofa will no longer be an option. Men need to grow up. It is difficult to change negative attitudes and habits but not impossible. It takes conscious effort on a daily basis.
Examining your own beliefs and actions is a basic requirement of Islâm.
© 2003 published on www.crescentlife.com
