For the purpose of this article: A victim is a person who has suffered a sustained injury or loss over a long period of time, that damages the psyche of a person, and has a lasting effect on his personality dynamics, creating a shame/guilt and fear-based approach toward life, ie: how he relates to self and others.
Victim thinking is often the result of negative experiences in which one has suffered a physical or emotional loss or injury. In this style of thinking one identifies with those experiences, and resorts to looking at themselves through the lens of those experiences. From the perspective of those experiences one feels
sorry for one's self. We feel sad, hurt, angry and helpless.
This helplessness is a spiral that keeps pulling one downward. One negative thought leads to another and then another... until we reach the bottom of the pit and then everything is awful and bad. It is as if there is nothing positive in our entire life. The only things we can focus on are the negative and bad experiences. Pretty soon we start feeling hopeless and helpless. We feel stuck. There is an element of drama and exaggeration in this style of thinking. Poor me, woe is me! All I can think of is: 'my life is awful, I am bad, nobody loves me, nothing goes right for me, nothing works for me, why me?'... etc. These paralyzing thoughts make matters worse and we feel depressed and stuck.
These negative thoughts persist as we compare ourselves with others and erroneously conclude that other people's life is better than ours and that they don't have any problems. 'Everyone is happy except me. Everyone is better off than me.' (or smarter, prettier, stronger, richer, etc.) So now we are truly miserable, unhappy and feeling hopeless.
As a rule thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to actions. If I think negatively I will end up feeling bad (depressed, anxious, worried, scared, insecure) and then I will make bad choices. On the other hand, if I think positively I will feel good and will make good choices. Our actions are a result of our thinking.
Our initial thought is beyond our control, what we do with it is up to us. When I have a negative thought I have the option of either turning it around or letting it take control and take me spiraling down into the pit of negativity. It happens in a split second and most of the time we are not even aware of it.
Islâm does not encourage us to indulge in victim thinking or act in a helpless manner. Islâm teaches us that a victim mentality is just as harmful for the soul as an abusive mentality. Courage and faith demands one to always have hope and to actively seek means to protect oneself from abusive conditions.
Sûrah an Nisa' 4.97-100:
"Behold those whom the angels gather in death while they are still sinning against themselves, (the angels) will ask: "In what (plight) were ye?" They reply: "Weak and oppressed were we in the earth." They say: "Was not the earth of Allah spacious enough for you to move yourselves away (from the domain of evil)?" Such men will find their abode in Hell, What an evil refuge!
Except those who are (really) weak and oppressed -- men, women, and children who cannot bring forth any strength and have not been shown the right way.
For these, there is hope that Allah will forgive for Allah doth blot out (sins) and forgive again and again.
He who forsakes his home in the cause of Allah, finds in the earth many a lonely road, as well as life abundant refuge. And if anyone leaves his home, fleeing from evil unto God and His Apostle, and then death overtakes him - his reward is ready with God: for God is indeed much-forgiving, a dispenser of Grace".
Some verses in the Qur'ân indicate how important it is to focus on the positives in life even when everything seems to be going badly and to maintain faith with courage:
Sûrah ash Sharh 94
Have We not opened up your breast (heart)?
And lifted from you your burden
That had weighed so heavily on your back?
And have We not raised for you your dignity?
And behold, with hardship (difficulty) there is ease (relief)!
Verily, with hardship there is ease!
Hence, when you are freed (from distress), remain steadfast.
And unto your Sustainer turn (all your attention) with loving devotion.
Sûrah ad Duhâ 93 3-11
Your Lord has neither forsaken (abandoned) you nor does He hate you,
And surely the life to come shall be better for you than the earlier part of your life,
And certainly your Lord shall give you, and you shall be well pleased,
Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter?
Did He not find you unaware (wandering, lost) of the Way and guide you?
Did He not find you impoverished (in need) and enrich you?
Therefore, as for the orphan, do not be harsh.
As for the beggar, do not repulse (reproach, scold).
And as for the blessing of your Lord, then proclaim (declare) it!
Victim thinking leads to all kinds of doubts and fears. We lose hope and get discouraged. It shakes our trust in our ability to function. Our thoughts are very powerful... negative or positive... they shape our life. Our thoughts create our belief system. As long as everything is going fine we are fine, but as soon as there is a difficulty in life we start losing hope and faith.
The Qur'ân tells us how this negative thinking becomes a problem for us when we forget that life is a set of experiences that teach us how to have faith in God and trust Him in every situation that He creates for us:
Sûrah al Fajr 89. 15-16
As for man, whenever his Lord tries him, honors and blesses him, he says: 'My Lord has honored me.' But whenever He tries him by straitening his means, he says: 'My Lord has humiliated me.'
This delusional way of thinking is most clearly shown in the following passages:
Sûrah al Falaq 113.
Say: I seek refuge with the Sustainer of the rising dawn (daybreak, caused to come forth, emergence of truth after darkness or uncertainty; awareness, consciousness).
From the evil (loss, injury, trouble, affliction, difficulties) of what He has created.
And from the evil of darkness (ignorance, negativity, loss of faith and hope) as it spreads (grows, expands, exaggerates).
And from the evil of blowing into knots. (our negative thinking becomes like a tight knot in our mind which is difficult to unravel)
And from the evil of the envious when he envies. (envy: feelings of failure, discontent, resentment and desire when we compete with others)
Sûrah an Nâs 114
Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind.
The Master of mankind.
The God of mankind.
From the evil of the slinking whisperer,
The one who whispers in the breasts of mankind. (doubts that sneak into the heart/mind)
Of either jinn (unknown) or mankind (known).
To stay focused and positive, to maintain faith with patience and courage:
Sûrah al Zumar 39.53
Say, O my servants who have transgressed against your own selves (souls). Despair not of God's mercy: behold, God forgives all sins - for verily He alone is much-forgiving (merciful), a dispenser of Grace.
Sûrah al Naml 27.62
Nay, who is it that responds to the distressed when he calls out to Him. And who removes the ill (that caused the distress) and has made you inherit the earth? Could there be any divine power beside God? How seldom do you keep this in mind.
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