Self-esteem is a by-product of right/sound thoughts or beliefs and right actions… it is not an entity in itself, it does not exist in a vacuum. The 'feeling good' associated with self-esteem is a result of these thoughts and actions. Most people misunderstand self-esteem as a feeling and do not associate it with their thoughts and actions... they want to feel good without evaluating how they achieve it. Generally, such a sense of self-esteem does not last for long, because if it is not grounded in a positive belief system and accompanied actions, hence it has no lasting effect and rings hollow.
Self-esteem has both psychological and sociological dimensions; it includes the totality of man’s ability to function through his cognitive, affective, and behavioral elements, ie: our thoughts, feelings and actions… toward our self and others.
There is a difference between high self-esteem, arrogance and pride.
Arrogance is a negative trait in which one thinks highly of one’s self, compares self with others and believes he is better than others. Arrogance is a false sense of self-worth. An arrogant person lacks an intrinsic sense of their own goodness, instead relying on some external value that makes them feel good about their self… ‘I am wealthy so I am better than you’ or smarter, taller, prettier, etc. There is a discrepancy between who they are and who they perceive them self to be. It is a narcissistic way of being. It is spiritually and psychologically pathological. A truly grounded or healthy person has no need to be arrogant.
Pride can be both negative and positive; negative or pathological pride is the same as arrogance. However taken positively it implies a sense of responsibility toward everything such that one aims at doing, that is one tries one’s best in whatever one does. Taking pride in something is about trying to excel in what one does, to improve oneself, to make whatever we do better, to do one’s best; and to feel good when we have achieved that goal; in this sense it is similar to the concept of ‘striving for superiority’ in Adlerian terms, and of ihsân in Islâmic terms.
Self-esteem can be negative (low/pathological) or positive (high/healthy); at the positive end of the spectrum it is a sense of feeling at peace with one’s self when one has done the right thing in the best possible manner; when one has lived up to their expectations and according to their high values. There is no discrepancy between who they are or believe them self to be.
However, at the negative/low end of the spectrum it manifests itself in two ways… either as a sense of worthlessness or the flip side of it, as arrogance. This negative/low end is the same as ‘inferiority’ in Adlerian terms.
High self-esteem is characterized by traits that makes one a responsible human being: tolerance, patience, respectful, responsible, honest, seeking to improve whatever they do (ihsân), self-motivated, willing to take risks, loving and lovable, kind, generous, helpful to others, and takes responsibility and control of their lives. Such traits generate a sense of high self-esteem. This is similar to ‘striving for superiority’ in Adlerian terms. This is an internal sense of Ok-ness since there is no disparity between what one values and how one acts.
Low self-esteem is characterized by behaviors that exhibit insecurity, victim mentality, weakness, lack of confidence and self-absorption; since worth is believed to be an external quality that comes to one if one possesses something, e.g. wealth, education, etc. Low self-esteem is due to a discrepancy between the guiding self-ideal (how I would like to be) and the perceived self (how I am). And it is to cover up the discrepancy that one acts arrogantly.
The principles of Islâm advocate and nurture the development of a positive self-esteem as it corrects our thoughts, feelings and actions; teaching us to elevate our self from the ‘lowest of low’ to developing a sense of discernment and inclining toward the most ‘ihsan’ (beautiful) way of being. By delineating a guiding ideal that is possible, practical, and attainable Islam decreases the discrepancy between the ideal and the perceived self. The goal of tazkîyah (self-purification) is to make one be and do the right thing in the best of ways and to strive for excellence, with the belief that one is doing it for the pleasure of God. It encourages one to realize one’s potential of becoming the representative of God, toward which aim mankind was created. This belief is powerful enough to make one develop a positive self-esteem. Just the idea that the creation of mankind is for a higher goal should make us choose a healthier, higher life.
The Qur’ân tells us that mankind has been created with dignity, honor and with the potential ability of being the ‘highest of highs’:
Sûrah al Isrâ 17.70
"Now, indeed, We have conferred dignity/honor on the children of Adam."
Sûrah at Tîn 95.4
We have indeed created man in the best of moulds
Though human beings can become "the lowest of the lowest," the Qur’ân declares that they have been made "in the best of moulds", having the ability to think, to have knowledge of right and wrong, to do good and to avoid evil. Thus, on account of the promise which is contained in being human, namely, the potential to be God's vicegerent on earth, the humanness of all human beings is to be respected.
The Qur’ân teaches us that the only criteria for measuring worth is righteousness and piety with the resulting sense of peace and contentment, in every condition or situation one might find oneself to be in.
Sûrah al Hujurât 49. 13
"O Mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other. Verily the most honored of you in the sight of God is he who is the most righteous of you"
According to Islâm right belief and right action go hand in hand, one without the other doesn’t cut it. It is only when action follows belief that one feels right. There are more than 100 verses in the Qur’ân that associate right belief and good acts together.
Sûrah Maryam19.96
On those who believe and work deeds of righteousness, will (Allah) Most Gracious bestow love.
Sûrah al Ankabût 29.7
Those who believe and work righteous deeds, - from them shall We blot out all evil (that may be) in them, and We shall reward them according to the best of their deeds.
Sûrah Sâd 38.28
Shall We treat those who believe and work deeds of righteousness, the same as those who do mischief on earth? Shall We treat those who guard against evil, the same as those who turn aside from the right?
Sûrah Ghâfir 40.58
Not equal are the blind and those who (clearly) see: Nor are (equal) those who believe and work deeds of righteousness, and those who do evil. Little do ye learn by admonition!
Sûrah al Bayyinah 98.7
Those who have faith and do righteous deeds, - they are the best of creatures.
From the Islamic perspective, right thoughts/beliefs followed by right/good actions makes one feel good, peaceful, content… ie: positive self-esteem.
The concept of ‘himma’ (courage, fortitude, strength, honor, bravery and valor) is an intrinsic part of a healthy self-esteem. Since self-esteem requires doing the right thing, it takes courage to defy personal temptations and the social norms. It is only when one has a positive self-esteem or self-regard that one restrains one's self from debasing or shameful conduct/actions/behaviors.
Self-esteem degenerates to mere vanity and false pride, which Islam forbids resolutely. It is a state of mind. It depends on the education, ethics and social perception of the person practicing the code. How an ethnic, tribal, feudal and patriarchal society interprets and executes this code has nothing at all to do with the self-esteem that Islam upholds for Muslims... since each group has it's own blind spot.
The Islamic concept of responsibility for our own actions and knowing that we will be held accountable for our beliefs and actions instills a sense of reality and control. It teaches that if I want a good end I have to be responsible for myself… regardless of how life or others may treat me. It helps eliminate the ‘blame and shame’ game that leads to conflicts and misery.
Sûrah al An’âm 6.164
Say: "Shall I seek for (my) Cherisher other than good, when He is the Cherisher of all things (that exist)? Every soul draws the meed of its acts on none but itself: no bearer of burdens can bear of burdens of another. Your goal in the end is towards God: He will tell you the truth of the things wherein ye disputed."
The Islamic concept of life as a test and fate also help one learn to accept life, as is, whatever the condition we might be in, since it is from Allah Ta’ala for a reason and a purpose. Islam teaches us that life is meaningful and purposeful. Everything that happens is for a reason and we are to accept it with forbearance, patience, faith and a good attitude… with the belief that everything that Allah creates in our life is for a better outcome. This is a powerful belief if we can internalize it since it gives one a sense of peace and confidence. With this belief we don’t fall apart at any misfortune that may come in our path.
Islam explains individual differences as a means of getting to know each other, as created by Allah so we can appreciate His creativity and as a means of testing us. Differences in religion, wealth, social status, intelligence, color, gender, nationality, age, etc. are not to be used to belittle, ridicule, discriminate or abuse anyone. These are meant as a test for our ability to be fair and just toward everyone.
Sûrah al Hujurât 49:11
"Let not some men among you laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): nor let some women laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames."
Finally, the concept of mutual responsibility toward the well being of everyone in the community and world is the most powerful test for us. Justice is a theme that runs throughout the Qur’ân and we have been asked to be just and fair without discrimination… a person with a low self-esteem will be unable to do that. So to meet this criterion we have to learn to overcome our own insecurities and weaknesses.
Islam teaches that the ultimate responsibility of mankind is toward God, and that we fulfill this through being just, fair and responsible toward His creation… it instills a belief of life being meaningful and purposeful, which instills a sense of positive self-worth and self-esteem.
Note: I am grateful to the members of the Muslim Mental Health e-mail group for triggering me to think about this issue, for their invaluable input, I have incorporated some of the points discussed in this article.
© 2005 published on www.crescentlife.com