Perfectionism

Perfectionism is described as aiming for an unrealistic and unachievable goal.  Individuals caught up in perfectionistic thinking or behavior experience distress as well as health and emotional problems. They can also provoke extremely negative reactions from others due to their unrealistically high standards.  They try to avoid failure and rejection by looking for guarantees.... believing that if they do everything perfectly right then nobody will find fault in their work and criticize them.... ending up with a tendency to procrastinate.

Perfectionism should not be confused with the desire to obtain excellence. Unlike perfectionism, the desire for excellence is the desire to do the very best possible, not the quest for the unrealistic and the impossible.
In it's  extreme form, perfectionism is like an obsession.  An example of perfectionistic behavior would be making sure that everything has its place, which is always completely organized, or that tasks are worked or overworked for long periods of time. The motto "a place for everything and everything in its place" fits perfectionists well.
Perfectionism is based on a belief that unless I am perfect, I am not ok.  Perfectionists believe that they cannot be happy or enjoy life because they are not perfect. One does not have to be a compulsive organizer to be a perfectionist. 


Perfectionistic thinking also can be a negative force in one's life.  Perfectionists are typically driven by fear, primarily the fear of failure.


Perfectionism is an intense competition with oneself.


Set Realistic Goals
Most perfectionists try to do too much at one time and set extremely high standards for themselves and others.  Setting high standards is not the problem. Setting standards that cannot be realistically attained is the problem, and it ends up being self-destructive.
Evaluate expectations to see if you are trying to do too much. Do you expect too much from others, particularly those close to you, such as a spouse or child?  Adjust unrealistic expectations to levels that will ensure success and mutual satisfaction.  Goals that stretch you so you excel are fine.  Goals that paralyze people are not.  Don't sabotage your own success by becoming a hurdle in your own life.


Address your Fear of Failure
Since fear of failure motivates the perfectionist, check for the worst case scenario that you create in the back of your mind.  Ask yourself: 'What is the worst thing that could happen if I do not do everything just perfectly right?  Practice leaving some things undone or not as "perfect" as you try to do.   


Learn to Prioritize
Discern between essentials and nonessentials, so you know where to place your effort and energy.  Recognize what needs to be done right away and what can be delayed without creating problems.  As well as recognizing what needs more of your time and effort, and what does not.  Don't over-generalize perfectionistic behaviors to all aspects of your life.  Keeping standards reasonable does not mean you will necessarily do an inferior job.


Let Go
Perfectionists often do not know what their true needs are or how to go about meeting those needs.  Recognize that your needs are important and that your drive to always be perfect may be learned through years of practice motivated by the mental tapes of the voice of a parent criticizing you.  Parental injunctions like: 'You are not good enough. Do it better. Be better. Never be satisfied.'... although they mean well can become very limiting and paralyzing.
 
Learn to 'let go', relax a little, be easy on yourself.  Remember, there is a time to turn off the computer, put the pen down, and call it a day.  Letting go is one of the best techniques you can learn


1999 published on www.crescentlife.com