Understand the relationship between them, and understand the psychology based on the view of Islam
Forced Marriages
The most important thing to recognize is that Islâm does not permit or validate any contract (business or otherwise) of a minor. A child, who does not understand the implications of a contract is not permitted to make or give consent to contracts on his/her behalf.
All contracts have certain requirements that have to be fulfilled, and it is necessary for a person to fully understand not only the requirements but what it entails to fulfill that contract, ie: the implication of the fine print. Islam restricts a minor's free control of his wealth or person and a wali is assigned in such cases. The same applies in matters of marriage. In the absence of a father the wali could be another adult of the family or assigned by court.
Since Islâm does not allow a minor to conduct business or make financial decisions for himself or herself, a marital contract of a minor falls under the same premise.
Islâm does not give a father the right to use his children's wealth without their permission, how could he be allowed to decide, without the daughter's permission, how her body (which is more important than her wealth) is to be used, specially when she disagrees to and is mature enough to decide for herself?
In a hadith reported by ‘Aishah (raa) ‘A woman came to Allah’s Messenger (saw) and said, ‘O Prophet of Allah! My father offered me as wife to his nephew so as to elevate his social status. What should I do?’ Allah’s Messenger (saw) said, ‘The matter is in your hands. If you like you may accept and approve the marriage. If you do not, no one has the right to force you to accept it.’ The woman said, ‘I approve of what my father has done, but I want to teach other women that their fathers have no right to force them to marry whomever their fathers want.’ (Ahmad)
Abu Hurayrah (ra) reported that the Prophet (saw) said: "A previously married woman may not be married without her command, and a never married woman may not be married without her permission; and permission for her is to remain silent (because of her natural shyness)." [Al-Bukhâri, Muslim, and others]
The Prophet (saw) prohibits forcing a woman in marriage without her permission, whether it be by her father or anyone else.
Áisha (ra) said that she asked the Prophet (saw): "In the case of a young girl whose parents marry her, should her permission be sought or not?" He replied, "Yes, she must give her permission." She then said, "But a young woman will be shy, O Allâh's Messenger." He answered: "Her silence is [considered as] her permission." [Al-Bukhâri, Muslim, and others]
The difference between the previously married woman and a never married woman in the hadîth of the Prophet (saw) is not a differentiation between compulsion and non-compulsion; rather, the difference between the two cases is that
(a) the previously married woman gives her instructions for the marriage
(b) the never married woman gives permission
The reason given for this is that a never-married woman may be shy in discussing the matter of her marriage, so she is not proposed to directly; rather, her wali (guardian) is approached, he must have her permission. As for a previously married woman who can discuss the matter of her own marriage, she can be proposed to directly, and she gives the command to her wali to perform the marriage, and he must obey her. Thus the wali is command-executor in the case of the previously married woman, and is permission-seeker in the case of a never-married woman. This is what the Prophet's words indicate.
As for compelling a woman to marry despite her loathing to do so, this would contradict the fundamental principles of choice and right to making decisions about your own life.. Allâh Ta'ala did not permit a wali to force his ward to sell or rent her property without her permission. Neither did Allâh Ta'ala permit the parent or guardian to force his ward to eat or drink or wear that which she does not wish. How would He then oblige her to marry a person whose company she hates?
However, instances in which 'silence is as permission' is widely abused.
© 2003 published on www.crescentlife.com