Backbiting & Psychotherapy

I often hear from people that they have been told that talking about others in Counseling sessions is the same as backbiting which is not allowed in Islam, and that Psychotherapy is harâm.  This position is also held by some Imams and mullahs.  I was perturbed by this and did some research in Islamic literature to find out the correct perspective on this issue. What I found was the exact opposite of what these religious elite preach.  
First of all... we need to understand what backbiting is, when talking about others is forbidden and when it is allowed (yes, actually allowed) and encouraged.


The Arabic term for backbiting is 'gheebah' = talking in the absence of.
 
Backbiting is defined as: Talking behind one's back. To speak spitefully or slanderously about another.  Some include all negative and positive talk in the absence of a person.


Generally there is no purpose in such talk except spite and rancor.  It is a mean and nasty way of killing time. Most people know that gossip is harmful and meaningless and serves no good purpose.


What does the Qurân say about backbiting/slander/gossip?


Sûrah al Humazah 104.1
Woe unto every slanderer, fault-finder.


Sûrah an Nûr 24.10 - 25
Narrates an incident pertaining specifically about the slander levied against Áisha (raa) but applies to slandering women falsely and how Muslims should handle such situation. By extrapolation this would apply to everyone... men and women.


Sûrah al Mumtahannah 60.12
O Prophet! Whenever believing women come to you to pledge their allegiance to you, that they would not ascribe divinity and would not commit adultery and would not kill their children and would not indulge in slander, falsely devising it out of nothingness, and would not disobey you in anything right - then accept their pledge of allegiance and pray to God to forgive them their sins for behold God is much forgiving, a dispenser of grace.


Sûrah al Qalam 68.11
The slanderer that goes about with defaming tales.


The Qurân is very clear about gossip and slander being a despicable activity.  It mentions slander as baseless lies and false accusations.  It strongly discourages it.  However, the Qurân foresees certain exceptions in which talking about other's faults may be necessary.  The Qurân uses the same logic to permit it as it does for violence... just as fighting is allowed only to resist oppression, the one exception for talking about somebody in their absence is in matters of injustice.  Just as one is not allowed to initiate aggression without just cause, one is not allowed to indulge in talking behind another's back without just cause.  This includes talking about the negatives of strangers or family members.


Sûrah an Nisa' 4.148-149:
"God loves not that evil should be noised abroad in public speech, except where injustice hath been done; for God is He who hears and knows all things. Whether you publish a good deed or conceal it or cover evil with pardon, verily God does blot out (sins) and has power (in the judgment of values)."


Sûrah an Nisa' 4.135
"O ye who believe!  Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do."


Imam Ghazâlî in his 'Ihya Ulûm ud Din' cites 6 situations in which backbiting is allowed.
1. To narrate the faults of another in a trial.
2. To help change one's evil deeds.
3. To seek a legal decision.
4. To warn about someone's harmful deeds.
5. To disclose the bad deeds of an evildoer.
6. To call someone by a well-known characteristic or feature.


He goes on to say: 
>>To disclose the guilt of those who are accustomed to evil deeds openly is no sin, such as a male wearing female dress, a drunkard, a fornicator, or an oppressor.
 
The Prophet (saw) said: There is no sin in backbiting a person who has shaken off the screen of shame from his face.
 
Hazrat Omar (raa) said: There is no honor for a great sinner (meaning those who commit major sins openly). He who commits sins secretly should have the honor of his fault being kept secret.
 
Hazrat Hasan Basri said: There is no fault in backbiting three persons - (1) one who is a slave of passion, (2) an open and well known transgressor, (3) and a tyrant ruler.


>>The Prophet (saw) said:
Do you consider it bad to disclose the faults of a sinner? Disclose his faults so that people may know them. Disclose the faults in him, so that people may take precaution.


>>It is lawful to narrate the deeds of another to seek legal decision or law for remedy. For instance, one says: My father, my wife or my son treats me like this. What is the remedy of getting out of it?
 
Hinda, daughter of Utba, complained to the Prophet: 'Abu Sufiyan is a miser. He does not bear necessary expenses of my children and myself. May I spend anything in his absence? The Prophet said: Take such things as are necessary for you and your children. Hinda mentioned about miserliness and oppression of Abu Sufiyan, but the Prophet (saw) did not blame her for backbiting, as she had intention of taking decision.
(Note: Abu Sufiyan was Hinda's husband)


>>The ancient sages said: There is no sin in disclosing the guilt of three persons - (1) a tyrant ruler (2) a learned innovator (3) and a shameless evildoer.<< end quote.
There are numerous ahâdîth about the companions (male and female) asking the Prophet's advice in matters relating to each other... these incidents are not limited to legal situations but also personal and marital issues.  If such talk was prohibited how would one know what the problem is and how would one give advice?


The element of gossip enters a situation when you are not directly seeking advice or a solution for a problem but are sitting with friends and bad-mouthing someone just for the heck of it.  Backbiting and gossip is when a group of people find fault and malign someone, adding their tales of woe to it without a meaningful purpose, such that by the end of the evening there is no positive resolution and all you have accomplished is engendering bad feelings toward that person.  


Now as regards seeking help, the Qurân tells us:


Sûrah ash Shura 42.38
To seek mutual consultation in matters that affect others.


Sûrah ash Shura 42.39   
'And those who, when an oppressive wrong is inflicted on them, (are not cowed but) help and defend themselves.'  
Sûrah ash Shura 42.41-42  
'But indeed if any do help and defend themselves after a wrong (done) to them, against such there is no cause of blame.    
 
The blame is only against those who oppress by wrongdoing and insolently transgress beyond bounds through the land, defying right and justice: for such there will be a penalty grievous.'


Since the purpose of Psychotherapy is to seek help/advice and to heal from the wounds caused by others, it is necessary to talk about others to the extent that you are presenting your situation and how it affects you... it is not to indulge in gossip but to present facts, learn from it and move on.  In presenting your situation you will have to talk about the other person and how they deal with you.  This may include facts as well as your perception of it and your interpretation of the situation.  Sometimes our perception of a situation is wrong, the process of 


Psychotherapy helps correct our false perceptions and faulty interpretations. When our perception is correct it helps to have someone validate our belief and help us decide how to handle that situation.


The purpose and function of psychotherapy groups is to place people together who have experienced similar problems for mutual consultation, to learn how to cope and heal from each other.  These groups are powerful tools in identifying problems as well as support and encouragement to heal.  However, when therapy groups continue to focus on negativity it is an indication of it being a 'sick group' meaning that the members have not healed and need further help.  The function and purpose of therapy is to heal not to dwell in a 'poor me' state and continue to gripe about the wrongs other people may have done to you.  The nature of healing is such that when one is healed one no longer has the need to think or talk about the persons or situations that caused them pain.
Another angle to consider is that scholars accept and acknowledge that when necessary one can bare oneself in front of a medical physician of the opposite gender, even though to bare oneself is generally not acceptable.  In the same vein talking about someone behind their back would be reasonable when necessary for treatment.  
Islâm is not a rigid, repressive or puritanical religion that does not take into account exceptional situations and needs of the people; it is reasonable and rational, and allows for special needs to be accommodated when necessary by stretching its rules in those situations.  There are many examples of this principle, e.g.: eating of forbidden foods in situations of life and death, shortening prayers when traveling and abstaining from fasts when traveling, etc.


As a matter of fact it would be wrong to accuse the oppressed and wronged of backbiting when their sole purpose of seeking help is to heal.  Instead of creating an environment in which the wronged are protected and helped we are turning against them.  It is a well-known fact that when a person is oppressed their ability to make decisions is affected, they doubt their own ability to evaluate or judge a situation and need help in correcting their own thinking. There is nothing wrong in seeking help to improve yourself, to learn to better yourself and to free yourself of shackles that keep you from being whole.


When next time someone tells you that psychotherapy is nothing more than gossip and backbiting...ask them if they have ever been in therapy. ;-)






Reference:
Revival of Religious Learnings, Imam Ghazâlî's Ihya Ulûm ud Din
VOL. III             BOOK III          The Book of Destructive Evils
CHAPTER IV            Harms of The Tongue
Section: In What Cases Backbiting is Allowed.
http://www.ghazali.org/ihya/english/ihya-vol3-C4.htm


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